Some Nights
by Jack'N'SallyGal
Summary: Marlene would have given almost anything to throw off the comforter and go to him, to slip her hand beneath his coat and then under his shirt. She would touch the spot on his chest where she could feel the comfort of his heartbeat. The light went out. She kept her arms glued to her sides. (Marriage Diaries universe. Blackinnon.)


**A/N Hi there! This takes place in the universe of my ongoing story, The Marriage Diaries. You don't have to read The Marriage Diaries to understand what's happening here. Basically, what you need to know is that a marriage law passed. Lily and James are married. Sirius is married to a character of my creation, Peter is married to Marlene McKinnon. Remus is unmarried due to his furry little problem. **

**Sirius and Marlene begin spending time together for the Order, but something else is lurking for them. Thanks for reading!**

* * *

"_I live for sleepless nights in abandoned houses. It's nothing like I imagined, but better than I ever could have dreamed." _

_-Diary of Marlene McKinnon, February 1978_

* * *

He needed a haircut.

Marlene studied Sirius, blinking slowly as the bedside lamp flickered. His expression remained the same between the time the lamp was lighting the small room and when it went out, plunging them into temporary darkness. He remained perfectly still, resting on his side. He wasn't smiling, but his lips weren't pulled down into a frown, or the severe look he wore when he was concentrating.

He was close to sleep. She could tell by the rumble of his breathing, the way it was evening out. The sound was lulling her toward sleep. Despite the cold and the wet, and the howling wind outside the window, the effort to keep her eyes open was becoming more difficult.

Their trainers were dirtying the comforter and their clothes smelled like smoke. They would have gladly swapped them out for a fresh pair, but they couldn't afford to lose the precious body heat. Members were strictly forbidden from using magic in any of the Order's traveling headquarters. Unless they needed to intervene magically to heal an injured member, they could forget about using their wands on the premises. Moody was wary of having any magic traced, even warming charms were out of the question.

When Marlene opened her eyes next, Sirius was spreading the comforter over her. She wasn't sure how long she'd been asleep. She felt their combined warmth surround her, hardly minding the smell of mildew, smoke, and grime as he bundled the fabric around her. The light flicked off. When it came on, he was still standing next to her, smiling despite the exhaustion that lingered around his eyes.

She wanted to reach out, to take one of his hands in hers. She had never held his hand before. They looked strong, safe. She would have given almost anything to throw off the comforter and go to him, to slip her hand beneath his coat and then under his shirt. She would touch the spot on his chest where she could feel the comfort of his heartbeat.

The light went out. She kept her arms glued to her sides.

* * *

"Hey, Mar. Sorry to, shite. Sorry."

Light from the hall flooded in. Lily Evans Potter stood in the open doorway. She looked away from them, each on their own side of the bed, fully clothed, but sharing a room. Marlene knew that was the detail that put the nail in the coffin. They didn't have to be naked and sweating to make people wonder.

Marlene flicked a glance at Sirius, saw that he was still sleeping. She sat up, noted each ache and pain flooding her body, and then dismissed them. Carefully, she shrugged off the comforter and draped it over Sirius. He didn't so much as stir.

Marlene followed Lily into the hall, closing the door tightly behind her.

"Sorry about that," Lily repeated.

"Don't be." Marlene accepted a cup of tea from the red head. "We were just sleeping."

"Right, of course. I shouldn't have barged in, that's all."

Marlene laughed before sipping from the scalding brew cradled in her hands.

"As if I expect any privacy in headquarters. What is it you were coming to tell me?"

"Moody called a meeting. Five minutes."

Wide awake now, Marlene nodded. She handed the cup back to Lily with a grateful smile.

"I'll wake him. Thank you for getting me, and the tea."

* * *

She couldn't touch him.

Marlene stared down at his sleeping figure for a full minute, trying to figure out how to wake him. He always slept like the dead, throwing himself into sleep the same way he threw himself into everything he did. Sirius didn't respond to her asking him to wake up, no matter how she raised her voice, or pitched it to sounds commanding.

He slept on.

Telling herself that she was being bloody stupid, and a coward, Marlene finally leaned down and began shaking his shoulder. Her fingers tingled. His eyes opened slowly and then shot open. He tossed the blanket aside and swung his legs over the side of the bed, reaching for his wand on the nightstand.

"What is it? What's happening?"

"Moody called a meeting."

He relaxed visibly, pushed his hair back, out of his eyes.

"Right. Thanks for the wake up call."

* * *

It was two weeks before they were under the same roof again.

It was a different house. Different bed. Somehow, the bedding managed to smell just as awful as it did in the other houses. Marlene didn't notice the smell so much anymore.

The light didn't flicker in this bedroom. But the windows rattled and the house never seemed to settle.

She watched Sirius' hand as his fingers inched their way across the smelly comforter. She had no idea what he was up to, she merely watched in silence, waiting. He took his time, meeting her gaze as his fingers continued their journey. She held her breath, and then exhaled shakily when his fingers crept up her pillow so they could tangle in her blonde ponytail. He worked at the ponytail holder, sliding it free and releasing her hair so it spilled around her shoulders.

She closed her eyes as he finger combed the strands, smoothed the tangles. Her eyes flew open when his hand cupped the side of her face, his thumb brushing over her cheek. A tear slipped over his thumb and he frowned in confusion.

"What..?"

"It hurts!" Marlene gasped. She jerked out of reach and sat up so her back to him. Her breathing hitched and then felt as if it was rattling in her chest. She closed her eyes. When she opened them, he was standing in front of her, helpless against the onslaught of emotion.

"You're right there," she whispered. "We do this every week and you're right there, the entire night. But I can't touch you. If I touch you, we won't stop. And we can't, I can't let that happen."

It was over for both of them. The wind howled in protest, shaking the house. Sirius approached the bed with open arms. He dropped to his knees in time for Marlene to fly into his arms, clinging to his neck as his arms came around her, pressing her close as if he had no intention of letting go.

"I"m right here," he breathed.

Marlene nodded. His grip tightened and she tucked her head against him, feeling an enormous sense of relief. She could feel him.

Finally.

* * *

_That's alright (that's alright)__  
__I found a martyr in my bed tonight__  
__She stops my bones from wondering just who I am, who I am, who I am__  
__Oh, who am I? Mmm... Mmm..._

-Some Nights, Fun


End file.
